Weight Tracker

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I read some other blogs that listed some NSV's that they can't wait to experience.  I am going to list mine because I would love to come back in a year and see if I made it to any of them.
1.) Fit into a size 14
2.) drop a shoe size back down to 9--I jumped to a 10 after I had my baby
3.) Get off caffeine...I have to do this before surgery and 6 mos after but I would like to quit altogether.  Ever since I had my baby I drink a ton of coffee...not soda...just coffee
4.) Feel young...I am 40 but I feel I look so old!  I see Jennifer Aniston and she is hot...I too want to be hot.
5.) Play with Johnny at the park and not get tired
6.) Start riding a bike again.
7.)  Run the Pat Tillman race and beat my old time
8.)  Drop down bra size ...I have crept back up to a 40D and I want to go back to being a 36C...which is what I was after my breast reduction
9.) Feel roomy in my car...sometimes I feel like a sardine and I drive a large CAMRY!

On another note I have told four friends(one had lapband and was not successful, one had gastric bypass and has since gained back some weight she wishes she had done lapband, and two work friends...for support)  I also told my husband and mom.  I haven't told anyone else.  There are days when I want to tell everyone and othertimes I don't.  I have a couple overweight friends I want to tell and actually have them join me on this journey but I know that would be rude of me to suggest it.

I was on the HCG diet prior to this and lost 60lbs but I have been slowly gaining it back.  When I was on the HCG diet there were 10 of us in the office that went on it and all of us lost weight...but there were 5 people in the office that snickered and laughed and said they couldn't wait for us to gain it back.  I found that appalling, none of them have ever been overweight yet they found it easy to judge us.  I can only imagine what they would say if I told them I am getting the lapband...grrr. 

I have been a such a yo-yo dieter all my life....ok maybe not all my life.  I was a big baby 9lbs and I was normal weight until my parents got divorced when I was 7...I started to pack on the weight...not sure why...the attention...I always was in everyones way growing up and they never had time for me but food always had time for me.  Throughout my life food is always there to comfort me.  I lost a ton of weight in high school (no date for prom though) and when I left for college I was 150..which was good for me. 

Then I moved to a new state for college.  To be honest I couldn't handle the attention from boys...they scared me.  I never dated in high school.  I remember my roomate taking me to a party and introducing me to her best friend and her boyfriend.  The boyfriend made a pass at me at the party and scared the crap out of me and caused a seen.  Then a couple weeks later my roomate got a boyfriend and he hit on me too, just made me feel uncomfortable and guilty(even though I didn't encourage it).  I met two new girls at school they were both body glove swimsuit models whom I hung out with but I did not have any money so I ate top ramen and taco bell(2 horrible things) and gained 50 lbs over 2 1/2 years. 
When I graduated I moved to MN and didn't know anyone so I was bored and I made a ton of money so I thought I deserved to treat myself....can't believe I let myself go.  I gained over 100lbs in MN.  I was miserable so I moved back to AZ and went on OPTIfast and lost the 100lbs.
I also seem to eat when I stress out and I am in the IT field so there are some very stressful times.  There are also all the social settings that you need to be one of the boys(business meetings at the bar, business dinners and travel)  I just didn't make any good choices.
When I got engaged I lost 75 lbs before the wedding(using diet pills I bought on the internet...bad I know) and then had a kid and put that 75lbs back on. 

I need to stop this hot mess!  I do find this blog kind of therapuetic even though no one reads it, it helps to get it out of my head!

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