You know I have to remind myself lately that everyone's journey is different. I get pretty discouraged when I read other bloggers who say they really haven't changed anything about what they eat just in smaller portions. I so wish that could be me. I know I shouldn't compare but I just can't help myself sometimes.
I changed and am changing so much about myself. I have totally changed the way I eat. I really don't eat many carbs or sugars and try to limit my fat. I keep my calories around 1000 in order to lose. I don't eat out very often...even with the semi healthy choices they are usually high in sugars and if I eat out I usually don't notice a loss at all. I have to move more. I am such a sedentary person if given a choice. My job is sitting all day in front of a computer. I have to make the choice to go for a walk on my breaks...to take a break...and to do exercise in the evening of at least 3-4 days a week...more and I feel like a rock star, especially because I try to choose things that I enjoy doing so that I will continue to do them. I monitor everything. I record my food, exercise and lately...my water intake. I reflect on why I am eating and try to change that bad habit of killing my emotions with food and celebrating with food and letting food be my best friend.
Which brings me to my big disappointment yesterday. I was feeling pretty proud of myself after my doc appointment, my doctor said I am doing fabulous I had the best lost I have ever recorded there losing 12.5lbs in a month..we decided no fill and to keep going as I am doing. He asked and I was honest saying that actually things have been pretty great since my last fill. It doesn't seem as difficult to make good choices..the weather is cooler so I notice its easier to get in more steps a day and therefore be more active.
...then I run into the secretary at the printer..with three other developers...her and I have never really gotten along....long story but I have worked here 12 years and our office is small in my division..only around 20 of us in the office in my department and most of us have all been here a long time so we are very familiar with each other. Well she said "You are looking great, what are you doing to lose the weight" as I start to reply "Everything" she raises her eyebrow and says "right, it must be a magic pill your taking" I shake my head (not about to tell her or anyone about my band) and the other people around the printer are looking at me. I know my smile quickly faded because she never really let me explain she just kept going on about it must be a magic pill. I pretty much just gave up grabbed my printout and went back to my office. Then preceded to let it bother me the rest of the day...put me in a bad mood... effectively robbed me of the personal high I was riding. A part of me does believe there is magic..this band has allowed me to do something I couldn't have done on my own. But I have done a lot to help because without me making changes..the band would not have gotten me where I am at.
I know I have read others of you post about not telling anyone about your band..and I really haven't either. Yet I don't feel completely honest not mentioning it. I know she really didn't want to hear anything I had to say and it was not the place to go into it...it just got me thinking last night and I knew I had to put it out there today and share with you my experience. I will admit I was mad as hell at her...in my head I called her all sorts of names...but later as I reflect there was truth that she was spitting and it sometimes is hard to hear, when I am not ready to give my full story.
I do believe that at some point I will be honest and tell everyone what I did and what I had done to get to goal...because I want to be truthful in hopes that it may help someone who was in the deep dark place I was prior to surgery. And I will remember that everyones journey is different and not the same as mine.