Last Weeks Weight 174
This Weeks Weight 172.5
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Total Loss 1.5lbs
Slow and steady wins the race....
Yesterday while I was out walking on my lunch break I noticed I have gotten more timid now that I have lost the weight. When I was heavier I knew I could take down just about anyone. Shoot I was bigger than most. Now when I am walking I am constantly looking around and making sure that I am not walking in an unpopulated area..its a weird feeling. I don't know quite how to put it or analyze it. Did I damage my self esteem by losing weight..that seems like a ridiculous thought. Yet, as I peel back the layers during this weight loss I seem to 'see' myself differently and I don't see myself as this strong person anymore..I guess I see myself and all my faults more clearly? I have always been proud of my accomplishments at work and I have let that define me, but anymore work is not who defines me...I am not really sure what does...and is that because my weight defined me and now I don't really "know" me....
7 comments:
"Slow and steady wins the race...." - you are kidding me right?? There is nothing slow about your weight loss!! :)
Your observations are so interesting!! I guess b/c I'm not where I want to be, I just don't see the changes yet in other aspects. I think you are a very strong woman, and I see you blooming right before my eyes (even though I haven't seen you in forever, which we are going to change, right??"
xo
Nice loss!
Maybe you're feeling the vulnerability of being a smaller person? Maybe your head just needs time to catch up with the physical changes? Or maybe this is just how smaller people I always feel? I've never been small, so I have no idea!
Weight loss is a very emotional thing. The change is hard and I thing there is a lot more psychological bs behind all of this then we could ever imagine. Part of the reason most of us gain is to become invisible, that is no longer an option.
This made me remember when you blogged about the guy at the gym that made you feel uncomfortable. Maybe you are not having lower self image or self esteem, but losing weight is making you feel MORE visible in some ways that are frightening? Leaving you feeling more potentially vulnerable?
I've noticed this same thing since I've lost weight. Before, I could wrestle with my husband or teenage son and hold my own. Now, they bump into me on accident, and I'm being propelled across the room.
I don't have any substance like I used to -- and they can pick me up and move me. I don't really like being picked up, and I think this is because of the same feelings. I am physically stronger, but I miss the heft of my previous weight that made me a bit more immovable.
That strong woman is still there. She just needs a little time to adapt!
Great work on the new loss. You are so close to the 160s!
I am so proud of you! Way to go!
And I hear you...I feel much more vulnerable these days, especially when I'm out running alone. It's quite the emotional journey.
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