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Monday, February 25, 2013

Pandora's Box of Emotions

Its Monday...boy glad the weekend is over!
Hubby wrecked his truck, in fact we think he totalled it...just waiting on insurance to get back to us.  His tire blew going 80 mph and he lost control.  Really didn't do much damage to look at but the air bag blew and I know those things aren't cheap.. The thing is the tires are new not even 6mos old, so I am curious if we have anything to fight back to the company that sold us the pirellis.
So, we have been sharing a car...oh my I hate sharing my car with my hubby.  I am trying to be patient about it and he is doing his best not to get it messy but there is something about not having your car whenever you want it.  I find more times now when I want to run an errand but hubby has my car or will need it shortly.
If it was warmer he could just drive that golf cart but in the AM its a bit chilly here.

I went to a CoDa meeting yesterday.  That is a codependents anonymous meeting.  I will say it struck a little closer to home this meeting.  Partly because this week we were each given a word and had to speak on it.  Mine was Directness.  This is a weird one for me.  I used to pride myself on being direct as a kid and teenager.  In fact people used to say that I wore my  feelings on my shirt.  Also working in an IT field you have to be direct working with men, in order to get your point across and to not lose there attention I found that I needed to be direct.  As I got older I realized being direct does not mean being a bitch.  I also found I got more stuff done for me at work if I watched how I worded things.  At home, I am not direct as I would like to be.  Sometimes I don't feel like my hubby can handle what I have to say and when I start to talk about things that bother me, he usually gets upset and walks away.  I have tried to change my delivery sometimes but I still tend to get him on the defense.  I will admit that I kind of ignore it now.  I don't even try.
This is wrong. Things are never going to change unless I start voicing what I feel is unacceptable.  I have to think and decide what is unacceptable but I also am not sure what I feel.  I have so many emotions that go thru my head that it seems hard for me to organize my thoughts as to what is the most important, let alone how to talk to my hubby about it without it turning into an argument.  I will be pretty blunt here that hubby and I are lacking on the intimacy and its me and I am not sure why because I love him and I think he is handsome but it stops there.  So anyway, it was a good meeting.  I will go again, as I need help to sort thru my feelings and emotions and by going to these meetings..I am not ignoring it.  Boy, my blog today is on something not related to food..but it is?  Without food to calm me down and be my best friend, I have to sort through what I am feeling, validate it and find another friend(my hubby).  I would have never thought that losing this weight would have opened up Pandora box on my emotional issues, but it sure has.  As I get closer to goal...it seems to get harder and harder...maybe that is just less and less food I consume to satiate my issues.


Elizabeth said...

I am sorry about the truck. I bet you can fight back on the tires!

I cannot even express how much I relate to the the rest of your post! Hang in there. It is a hard battle for sure!


Sarah Kopf said...

I'm sorry about the accident, but I'm glad everyone is okay! As for directness, my problem is the opposite: I'm too direct. I say whatever I'm thinking at the time. Gets me in trouble sometimes.... ;)


Connie O said...

That is a lot of stressful stuff all at once. I'm glad your husband wasn't injured--that accident could have been so much worse! But I know all about the stress of sharing a car--I don't do well with that either.

It's a good insight that emotional issues are coming up more as you try to be healthier physically. I hope CoDa can help you sort it all out.

Leigh C. said...

Thank goodness hubby wasn't hurt! Intimacy with relationships sure does change when someone works on themselves. There's a whole lot of emotions and insecurities that come out for sure. Something that is a daily struggle. Good luck with that:)

Tina @ The Bandit Girl said...

I think you are right, eventually we have to face the issues that drive us to eat. You are brave and I am happy you are finding the group works for you.

Banded Strong said...

Glad to hear your hubby is ok. Sorry about the truck. hang in there....

Run, Chelle, Run! said...

So scary about the accident, but glad to hear he's ok.

I've found that the weight loss opened up a LOT of emotions, and I really didn't expect that. I figured I had my life pretty much laid out - married, kids, job, etc. But woo boy...yeah. *hugs*

Terrie said...

I am glad everyone is ok, that is so freaking scary!