Bander Meetup

I made it!  I stayed up and partied and did not get home till 11:30pm---what what?
Us AZ Bloggers met up with LapBandGal and Amy from Land of Sunkist It was so much fun seeing them in real life and talking to them....if only I wasn't so sleepy!
There was also a new bander there Liz who just got her band in December and doesn't blog....it was refreshing to hear her enthusiasm and optimistic views.
Amy and Jen were there representing for us AZ banders/bloggers
Sorry the pic was dark

Weigh In Wedensday

Last Weeks Weight 189
This Weeks Weight 182.5
----------------------------
total loss 6.5 lbs

Woot Woot....I can taste the 170's and I can't wait!  I have been working real hard these last couple of weeks with my food and exercise and its paying off.  My 14's are now super baggy and the 12's are my size.  I would like to get a size 10 and see how it fits..but I will admit it seems cra cra cause I can't remember wearing a size 10---ever?
Tonight I am meeting up with some legendary banders and the arizona bloggers and I simply can't wait..plus its not until late and I will admit that I usually am in bed by 8----oh lordy~
So I am not sure I will blog tomorrow...I will try especially because there should be a picture to post!
Well I am riding my losing high...so have a great Wednesday people!

Changing the outside and the inside

So I know weigh in is tomorrow but I snuck a peak and am totally excited for another killer week.  I may surpass last week and I thought last week was a killer week!  I swear though when you hit the green zone things just workout beautifully.   I don't have as many cravings, food just becomes a side consequence not something I obsesses on.
So I have been reflecting on the last time I was this weight.  That would be 1997...ummm 16 years ago...yikes!  I was 26 and I remember my mom telling me she thought I was too skinny at this weight.  I don't feel that this time.  I do remember I was on optifast...not eating any food.  I had just lost over 100lbs on this diet.  I had moved here from MN at my highest ever 318 in 1995.  I was miserable.  Here I was overweight..didn't know many  people, no family here and I was sitting in my apartment and decided this was enough I was sick of being lonely and uncomfortable.  I started working out twice a day everyday and was able to drop down to 175...then I got burned out and the weight slowly started coming back on...I am not sure I stayed at 175 but a month.  175 was my goal weight.
How will this time be different?  Well I have changed the way I live.  What I am doing is not a diet, its a new way of eating and living my life.  If I truly have to have something to eat that is naughty...I do...but then start right back at eating better and try to incorporate those naughty calories into my daily intake.  I don't kill myself in exercise...but I do try to get in movement and at least 30min of some form of exercise every day.
Plus---I am not stopping at 175, I am going to shoot for a lower number 150 but I will re-evaluate when I get to 150
I am also working on my self...trying to be a nice person that when people hear my name they think good things.  I am trying to volunteer at school and church more.  I truly believe in random acts of kindness and participate in them daily.  Sometimes its just as simple as telling someone I don't know that I like there shirt or hair or pretty fingernail polish.  Othertimes, its buying the guy behind me in line his starbucks.  I really am trying to change my life both inside and out.

Pandora's Box of Emotions

Its Monday...boy glad the weekend is over!
Hubby wrecked his truck, in fact we think he totalled it...just waiting on insurance to get back to us.  His tire blew going 80 mph and he lost control.  Really didn't do much damage to look at but the air bag blew and I know those things aren't cheap.. The thing is the tires are new not even 6mos old, so I am curious if we have anything to fight back to the company that sold us the pirellis.
So, we have been sharing a car...oh my I hate sharing my car with my hubby.  I am trying to be patient about it and he is doing his best not to get it messy but there is something about not having your car whenever you want it.  I find more times now when I want to run an errand but hubby has my car or will need it shortly.
If it was warmer he could just drive that golf cart but in the AM its a bit chilly here.

I went to a CoDa meeting yesterday.  That is a codependents anonymous meeting.  I will say it struck a little closer to home this meeting.  Partly because this week we were each given a word and had to speak on it.  Mine was Directness.  This is a weird one for me.  I used to pride myself on being direct as a kid and teenager.  In fact people used to say that I wore my  feelings on my shirt.  Also working in an IT field you have to be direct working with men, in order to get your point across and to not lose there attention I found that I needed to be direct.  As I got older I realized being direct does not mean being a bitch.  I also found I got more stuff done for me at work if I watched how I worded things.  At home, I am not direct as I would like to be.  Sometimes I don't feel like my hubby can handle what I have to say and when I start to talk about things that bother me, he usually gets upset and walks away.  I have tried to change my delivery sometimes but I still tend to get him on the defense.  I will admit that I kind of ignore it now.  I don't even try.
This is wrong. Things are never going to change unless I start voicing what I feel is unacceptable.  I have to think and decide what is unacceptable but I also am not sure what I feel.  I have so many emotions that go thru my head that it seems hard for me to organize my thoughts as to what is the most important, let alone how to talk to my hubby about it without it turning into an argument.  I will be pretty blunt here that hubby and I are lacking on the intimacy and its me and I am not sure why because I love him and I think he is handsome but it stops there.  So anyway, it was a good meeting.  I will go again, as I need help to sort thru my feelings and emotions and by going to these meetings..I am not ignoring it.  Boy, my blog today is on something not related to food..but it is?  Without food to calm me down and be my best friend, I have to sort through what I am feeling, validate it and find another friend(my hubby).  I would have never thought that losing this weight would have opened up Pandora box on my emotional issues, but it sure has.  As I get closer to goal...it seems to get harder and harder...maybe that is just less and less food I consume to satiate my issues.

Ten Things Thursday!

Thanks to prego Laura Belle! Ten Things Thursday
1.  It snowed here in Phoenix yesterday...No lie...this never happens here...needless to say everyone was grinning who was not driving in it!

2.  The average American consumes 3 hamburgers and 4 orders of fries a week...on average 159 meals a year...THIS IS CRAZY.  I swear I will always say that if a person could eliminate eating out they will save a ton of calories.   I have cut way back.  We used to go out to eat on average 3 times a week.  We now try to stick to 1 day a week(1 meal).
3.  My husband called me his little raisin this weekend...what the what...I think he meant it  as a complement but it rings too true in my ears to hear that as a compliment!
4.  My dog got lazy and cold yesterday and decided to poop in the house...what the what....
5.  Johnnys Chess coach really wants me to put him in a tournament  because he thinks he will come out the winner.  Not sure if I am ready for him to compete.
6.  My husband did all the laundry yesterday..( but I have to still put it away and put on hangers)...however, it was awesome to not have to start that this morning!
7.  Holy crap they police are going to screw up the Pistorius case and I bet he gets off..the crazy MFer!~
8.  Poor Jen...I saw her spring training baseball fields today still covered in snow...you know she lives for spring training down here!!!

9.  Cutting it short Can't think of two more!

Weigh in Wednesday

Weigh In Last week 196
Weigh In This week 189
=================
Total loss 7lbs

Woot woot.  I can tell this fill is doing me well!  No lies though...this fill is tight and keeps me in check with chewing well and small bites...but its doable.
Do I feel hungry? No.  For 4 hours or longer.  I struggle to get in 3 meals...seems more like 2 and a snack.
Calories are around 800-900 a day..which is my zone for weightloss.  FYI-I am tight in the am and loosen up as the day goes on.  I eat my biggest meal around afternoon.

Not much going on.  Today I take Johnny to the Dentist....in Darth Vader talk..dun dun da dunnnnnn.  I don't know  a sole who likes dentist visits.  Which is why I haven't told Johnny.  And I won't until 10 minutes before the appointment.

Been hard to get motivated here at work.  I just want to go on vacation for a week or so(nothing big....)

I have found a new water drop I like its dasani pineapple coconut..reminds me of an umbrella drink on the beach

I am glad I found another drink I like.  Crystal Light quit making my favorite raspberry peach fiber drink.  Dang it.  You know how many drops I have gone thru...A SMALL FORTUNE trying to find one I would drink.  In fact I have been using my infuser with cucumber mint in it and mixing the pineapple coconut drops in..yumm yummy.  Which is probably why it has not been hard for me to get my water in this week.

Ever Crack your Toes?

So I had lunch with JenWhatYouLookingAtSkinny and Elizabeth InVsOut at True Foods Kitchen...which was just plain yummy.  Grant Hill picked up his to go order next to us...because come on we were at the biltmore(A bit upscale of a place in Phoenix)...

Here is the pic with the girls

I then went to a CoDa meeting and it was interesting.  The range of people that go to this meeting is VAST.  There were over 30 people men and women there.  Total side note...one of the ladies there I knew her hubby and my hubby go to AA meetings together..well during the meeting she took her flip flop off and cracked her toes....with numerous bunions on them..I tried not to gag....WHO DOES THIS? Yuck!
We were all sitting in a circle...everyone knew what she was doing....WTH?  I did not see yet how this is going to help me but I thought I would try another meeting before I discount it.
I am working today....so is hubby..which is a bummer..wished we had it off and could go do something fun.  Johnny spent the night at grandmas house so he should be home in a few hours.

One Year Bandiversary!

I can't believe it will be 1 year since I had my surgery tomorrow.  I wanted to do a big picture and show my changes but I didn't plan that out.
I did get on the scale this morning
Weigh in Wednesday 196
Weign in Friday 192.5
_______________
Total loss 3.5lbs and finally lost what I had gained.


Leaves me close to 80lbs lost for the year.  Not bad.  I had wanted to hit 100lbs loss for the year but I just didn't push myself enough.  I am thrilled to be this low.  In fact if you had asked me this time last year...I didn't fully believe this thing would work.  It kind of seems I was saying that a lot last year but I was actually working it all year....whether the band was helping or not.

I learned a lot about myself this year.
1.  Exercise is not going to be the winning factor in losing.  For me its nutrition.  I can ruin a good workout eating some BAD food.  I can lose weight by just eating right.  I can lose even more weight by eating right and exercise.

2.  Its hard for me to start exercising..but I build up momentum once I start.

3.  Mix up the exercise to keep your body guessing.  I used to love just the treadmill, but I have noticed mixing up with the elliptical has helped challenge me.  I also realized that I will get exercise in whenever I can.  It could be just a 30min walk a couple times a day.

4.  I still don't drink enough water.

5.  Eating without drinking was not as hard a concept as I thought

6.  I still control what i put into my mouth everyday..and I won't lose unless I make a conscious effort to watch what I eat ALL the time.  This band has helped me  a lot recover from some eating frenzies but it really is me that has turned down pizza, cookies, cake and going out to eat more times than I thought I could that has helped me lose the weight.

7.  I did not know I could cook.  I have tried more recipes than I ever thought I would.  I have really tried to cook more and cook more healthy.

8.  I have lost track of the number of fills and unfills I have had.

9.  I believe my fills/unfills cost more than my surgery last year.

10.  I love the thrill of a challenge and did my best weight loss by being in weight loss challenges with my fellow bloggers.

So would I do this again---OF course..in a heartbeat.  I would love for every overweight person I know to get this, but I also know you have to be ready to work when you get this band and not every overweight person I know could walk this journey.

So what do I hope for this second year.....to take off those last 40lbs and make it to goal.  I don't want to become complacent as I have seen many a bander in the 180's  I don't want to stop here.  I really want to be less than 150 if at all possible.  My hubby relates my addiction journey with food a lot to the 12 steps of addiction that he has been following for his alcoholism.  It is kind of scary how really they relate...sometimes I agree with him that food addiction people should have to work the steps because I can see how it would benefit them.
Here are food addicts 12 steps

1. We admitted we were powerless over our food addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable. 

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God. 

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 

7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings. 

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. 

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out. 

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. 

Ten things thursday!

1.  Its Valentines day and I heart each and every one of you!
2.  I love valentines day...I went so many years without a boy that now that I have one...I Love to canoodle with my guy!
3.  I did not get my water pitcher infuser (GARSH DARNIT!)
4.  I can't wait to go home and give my hubby and Johnny tons of kisses and love and tell them why I love them!
5.  I get to have lunch with my bestie today!  So excited.
6.  I really want to see that movie side effects!
7.  My mom is taking Johnny on Sunday over night...might have to go see movie then!
8.  I decided to go to a coda meeting on Sunday.  Of all things my hubby said I should go and his best buddy agrees.  I finally decided to go listen in on a meeting Sunday.  Should be interesting
9.  Why does cauliflower stink so bad when you cook....I can't even hide the fact that I am cooking it because the scent gives it away.  I love making cauliflower mash..it tastes just like potatoes..in fact I don't think hubby or Johnny would know if the SMELL would just not be there when I cook it....They always come in and ask what happened or what stinks.....
10.  Its cold outside..I wore mittens to walk downtown here and get a cup of coffee.  I have been taking walking breaks again at work...love it...making me get my step count up.

Playdates...is mom time!

Weigh in Wednesday.
Not a good week
2 weeks ago 193
This week 196
===========
Gain of 3lbs

Eh it is what it is.  I should have gotten in for this fill sooner.  Meanwhile I am loving the fill.  It is working like a charm and I know those 3lbs will be gone next week.
So Johnnys play date went great for him and I!  I hung about for a bit, just making sure the house was normal and who was there and if everyone was getting along.  Johnny spied a trampoline and so the kids ran off to go jump and AJ's little sister of course wanted to jump with the boys...but I notice she has no underwear on..just about the same time Johnny does....I mention to the mom she may want to put some undies on her as Johnny is at a curious stage(Did I really have to say that?)  I thought it would be kind of common sense to make sure drawers are on your kid.  She laughed and said she has a hard time keeping unders on her..I can see that :)
I actually left the house this morning and he was still sleeping..well he was over there for 3 hours playing probably non stop...I was shopping...at target...nonstop  LOVING the time.  I so need to pay her back with an afternoon because it was lovely.  I had forgotten how nice playdates(babysitters) could be!

HeartShaped Pizza and Apple Crisp!

Oh my...Johnny was invited to a playdate today and he is super jacked about going.  We did have a crying fit when he asked me to buy him some angry bird star wars stuffed animals because AJ(the kid he is playing with) has them and he wants to play and his sister doesn't have any so we need to make sure she has one.  I told him no we are not buying any and I am sure AJ has a few he can play with and he can bring the one he has over(he does have one)...the perils of a spoiled only child.  Hubby wanted to go get him one...I almost cut his ear off and threatened his manhood...ok I threatened his manhood...his buddy Tim was over and I did all the threatening in front of him...guess that counts as taking a man card away--:)
I think I will let the boys have the papa Murphys heart shaped pizza on Wednesday(they look so cute)..in case you are wondering..I usually have a salad when they eat this...dough is tricky for me and I would rather not chance it.

I also got to go get my valentines day gift for hubby...still planning on putting together the candy bouquet but I need to go get ingredients.(and not eat it in the process)
Got on the scale this morning and back down to 197...so that is nice..only 4 more to be back to 193..shhhesh...that is depressing.
I have quite a few apples left so I may do an apple crisp.....mmm

I ordered my bountiful basket for this week...I so missed getting it last week.
I am also excited for this weekend...lunch with my AZ bander girls!!!

At car dealership with my legs in the air...or thats how it feels!

So I got my fill of 0.30 cc's that takes me up to 4.1  My no go is 4.4 so I am still a little less and could possibly get .2 if this  doesn't do it....not too happy that I weighed in at 201...YIKES back in the 200's was not happy about that.
He also told me I need to drink more water that is why I am so gassy.  Which I concede is always my problem!
So this fill seems a little tighter... but nothing bad...I am on foods today and don't seem that bad.

I am also at the dealer..my check engine light came on as did my off trac lighting...which was weird so I brought it in, and I am told...its your gas cap...that will cost you $88 for that diagnosis and for us to put a $10 gas cap on...oh bother......he said that he got another reading on my coil and that its misfiring...that is $250 but he said lets wait and see if the gas cap does the trick...if not I have to come back for the coil....OH BOTHER...oh and that is not covered in your extended warranty...of course not...can I shank you now or later when you know I will be back....
Oh and here is the clincher...they are remodeling so I am sitting in a trailer here in the back of the property...with 6 old men...because I am in Sun City...which is an old peoples community...but its where I got my car...
So I am kind of happy its only $88 today(and I have a coupon for 15% off) but I am kind of figuring that I will be paying another $250 by the end of the week....talk about living on egg shells..waiting for the light to go off(kind of like Pavlov's dog?)
I think I hate mechanics worse than politicians and lawyers......

TTT a little late..this Friday

1.  I know late on the TTT but hey couldn't think of anything yesterday.
2.  I so can't believe the scale this morning..yikes...that fill can't come soon enough.
3.  I have been unbelievably gassy this week.  Not in the expel gas sort of way..just built up and tummy hurts.  I had to get gasx chewables and that seemed to help some.  Not sure where all this gas is coming from...really not eating any different from normal?
4.  I really want a water difuse pitcher...I better get one for valentines day!.
5.  I made these ham egg cups for breakfast this week. Less than 100 calories each...I can eat two every morning..they are yummy

6.  Still haven't gotten hubby anything...thinking about making him a candy bouquet(home-made)..he loves candy so much and is skinny..why not?

7.  I am meeting up with some girlfriends to see the movie Side Effects....Can't wait..lots of cuties to drool over and the movie looks killer!

8.  I get my fill tomorrow morning...CAN'T WAIT!
9.  Wanted to get Johnny a valentines..thinking about getting him an angry bird star wars stuffed animal.

10.  I want to do some cool things for Johnny on Valentines day...thinking about making his sandwhich in the shape of a heart.  what other things could I do?

Crappy food at school parties.....enter Debbie Downer...

So I got a take home flyer for Grandparents day at school.  They are asking for the parents to supply stuff for the party...which they are going to make banana splits?  WTF!  Sorry, I am so disappointed with class parties always being unhealthy.  I just got the list of items needed for the Valentines party...cookies, frosting, chocolate, sprinkles....and at Christmas it was cookies, frosting, hot chocolate, marshmallows ...So I went to the school with a mission yesterday...to ask for fruit or veges instead of always cookies and candies...I mean really with this day and age and all the overweight kids...can't we come up with some healthy options in there.  So I wait until I am one of the last moms there at pick up...one mom was hanging around telling the teacher how sick her kid is(I was trying hard not to role my eyes...I mean really how many times can you say he has a fever, throwing up that we all believe you)  I then ask the teacher "Do you think it would be ok to suggest we have maybe fruit kabobs in addition to cookies at the valentines party? Or would the homeroom mom object?"  Teacher "Oh I am sure she would be ok with it"    She proceeds to say maybe we should have spinache cookies also...I gave her my ARE YOU SERIOUS or giving me a bad time look but got no read...so I just laughed it off..saying I didn't want to be the mom the kids hate.....can you say awkward?

Ok, so I decide I will bring fruit to the next function(Valentines Day)...along with the juice boxes I had signed up for.....I am expecting  next school party to have an option of fruit in the sign up list or I may come unglued.  Then the mom with the sick kid said "I am so glad you said something I think its terrible that its always cookies and candy(umm I didn't put it that way, but yes) and I will brink watermellon...um, ok  Then she says she wants to invite my son to her sons birthday party in 2 weeks and that she is not inviting the whole class and such...I felt a little awkward as my son never talks about her son but I said sure..we would love to.
As for weigh in Wednesday..I forgot..maybe subconciously or not as I did eat a big dinner last night (left over meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green beans AND a salad) then had my skinny cow ice cream sandwhich AND 2 granola bars..ughhh...I was an endless pit yesterday..so darn hungry...my fill can't come soon enough!

Ice cream and fills!

So I made a fill appointment for this Saturday...which is probably a good thing.
I did not want to get on the scale yesterday because of the superbowl feeding frenzy.  I hopped on it today and choked..yikes up 3lbs..now I know I did not eat that much...but I bet it shakes out to being up a pound by weigh in wednesday.
Yesterday I made a turkey meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans...I ate a plateful...seriously no problem.  The green beans were yummy they were fresh and I cooked them with Chicken broth and fresh garlic. Yum Yummy and everyone in the house ate it all so I know it was a hit.
I have been having a yummy skinny cow ice cream sandwhich at night that I need to stop...but boy are they yummy

I printed out the W2 this morning...time to start gathering my tax stuff to see how much I owe...I just have this feeling I will owe again this year.  Hoping its not as much as last year.  I decided I would do my taxes myself this year because every year I have hired it out we have owed and there is something about paying $260 and oweing.  I personally think the tax guy should give better advice for what I pay him for .. I don't think I should owe each year.  We have been adjusting our taxes too with his advice but it is never enough.  We started out oweing $4800 then $3200 and last year $1200 so I kind of have this feeling it will be $600 this year....we use to get money back every year but then I have fewer and fewer deductions that I can take it seems.

Crappy Sunday Eater Here...paying for it today!

Had a great day on Saturday..Sunday...just plain bad.  Let my bad mood derail me.  Ate terrible.  I am paying for it...had a bad night sleeping been up with a tummy ache...I am sure its the food and quantity I ate.I feel gassy and achy.  I had frozen yogurt, jalapeno poppers, chicken, cereal(2 bowls of honey bunches of oats).  Maybe it was the milk.
So today is a new day...a day to go back to eating better.  I am also calling for a fill.  Weight is not moving, I can eat more than I should and I am struggling to make good choices.
I noticed a faint noise on my car brakes...probably have another month before I need to have them replaced.  Ugh...I hate that expense...I only like to spend money on fun things....like below..

I did buy a new landyard for work...my other one broke...I went to the coach outlet and found this for under $20 so I got it.

I also went to bath and body and traded in some lotion my mom had gotten for me for Christmas for different scents..so that was fun.

Chocolate covered bananas...Yum Yum

Had a pretty good day yesterday.  I never made it to making my potato soup and freezing it, will try and get to it tonight.  Hubby finished off the tomato pie I made yesterday so I was not tempted with it, only had one small slice of it and feel good about that.
I will be honest..no exercise in a couple days..I need to try to hit the elliptical tonight.
I have been craving sweets and I got these chocolate covered bananas that I just love as a treat...not too bad at 100 calories a serving and I do stop at 1 bag.

We have a family lunch tomorrow and I pick up my bountiful basket which I am looking forward to seeing what I got for next week.  Have the superbowl on Sunday..hope to stay awake for that.  Made some plans with some girlfriends for February that I am stoked to hang out with.  I don't really do much or plan much that doesn't involve Johnny or hubby so this is good for me to go out and do girlfriend things.  I noticed the weight is still staying the same...but my food is at the top end of calorie scale.  I have been toying with a small fill but I also am enjoying not worrying about eating things..I know if I go for that fill it will limit me and I am not sure that is a good thing.  I want to see a drop in the scale next week before I make that call.